It is truly astounding the sheer number of websites online that serve not only singles, but married individuals who are looking for affairs. That’s right, married dating! Flings are nothing new, of course. Affairs have been going on for as long as cavemen have been choosing their significant others. But this well… let me go further.
What is most surprising is the number of “so-called” respected dating services that do encourage men and women to have affairs
Many of these dating services have gotten exposure from shows like “Dr. Phil”, “Today”, “The Ellen DeGeneres Show”, etc. This does bring up a point that should be considered. Just because a service gets national mention in the media does not necessarily mean the message is a healthy one.
Overall, most marriage counselors and relationship experts would agree whole heartedly that monogamous relationships are not just healthy for us, but also seem to be in our nature. Our marriages thrive in harmony. Harmony can only exist in honest effort.
When we fall in love with that special someone and our emotions are corresponded, this does not happen by chance; this seems to be ingrained in general human design. This is what real commitment and family values are about.
But in today’s world, there is a lot of added pressure, stress and confusion heaped upon us. The family unity, along with our inner values, can get lost in a lot of mixed signals. The mainstream media is only one instance where we have gone astray. When the media becomes the message, then quite often, we will see double standards being applied. When we see people we admire in the news having extra-marital affairs, this can be confusing.
Marriage dating is like walking the razor’s edge, playing with fire, pick your metaphor for dangerous. This simply is a fact. Both guys and gals will usually start searching outside of their relationship for different reasons, but the outcome is generally the same. Deep resentment over betrayal, confidence is put to the test and often, the marriage will not survive taking extra-marital blows. Most experts concur: Even married dating under the “open marriage” rule, in time, will undermine the larger bond and commitment between husband and wife.
When you consider that the dating industry itself is a multi-million dollar concern, it is easier to read between the lines. Many of these services are telling you that married dating is Ok to practice. This comes from a financial agenda and nothing else. The competition is very tight for new customers. When married dating is a part of the package, this opens up a whole area of clientele that the dating services can cater to besides the “singles” market.
Many of us fantasize and dream about the “what ifs” that we don’t have in our lives. Living out our lives through the eyes of others can, on occasion, even be a good thing.
Married dating will always present a picture of the grass being greener on the other side. But this is rarely the case when acted upon.
It is true, as time moves forward, that more couples than ever before are ending their marriages in divorce. But there are also more people on this earth than ever before who are getting married. The number one reason the married couples get divorced today is disillusionment in the relationship. Marriage, like any other genuine human connection, takes work and responsibility. When people begin to take their marriages for granted, often times they do not know why they are feeling restless and having second thoughts.
The online websites that promote married dating seem so tempting because they offer the anonymity of cyberspace. Discretion is one of the first key triggers they can offer you. If no one knows who you really are, you can become someone else. After all, there are many others who are having flings through these online dating services.
Consider that the nagging desire to have an extramarital affair is almost always associated with something more profound and deeper that is not being taken care of in the relationship. Working on the real issues together with your spouse will only prove to strengthen the bond between you.
Everyone needs help at one time or another. If the troubles in the relationship seem to heavy to tackle alone, consider consulting a pofessional counselor. Marriage counselors and relationship experts are equipped to deal with problems in marriage that can’t be resolved easily.
The point is that most people have a lot of time and commitment invested in their marriages. Often times, children are very much a part of the picture and the impact on their lives needs to be taken into account. All of the options have to be evaluated before coming to the conclusion that resolution can only be reached through separation or divorce.
You really need to be sure that you did absolutely all that could have been done to solve things. If you don’t, it will haunt you in the future.
Married dating will never strengthen a marriage. At best, it may look tantalizing from the outside, but in practice will only cause guilt, pain, shame and distrust. In a short word…DON’T.
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